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25

Jan

Anybody but these two. No. You just can’t break up. Have you tried date night? What about a vacation? You can make it work, I know you can.  You know that couple that makes you love love? The ones that give you that warm & fuzzy feeling that all is well in the world of relationships? Then they break up and stab your love dreams in the face.  The last time I felt like this was when my favorite couple of all time Lydia and Erin (hey ladies) announced their split. That was years ago. I’m still not over it.  Lawd, please, please don’t let the Beckham’s be next. 

Anybody but these two. No. You just can’t break up. Have you tried date night? What about a vacation? You can make it work, I know you can. 

You know that couple that makes you love love? The ones that give you that warm & fuzzy feeling that all is well in the world of relationships? Then they break up and stab your love dreams in the face. 

The last time I felt like this was when my favorite couple of all time Lydia and Erin (hey ladies) announced their split. That was years ago. I’m still not over it. 

Lawd, please, please don’t let the Beckham’s be next. 

4 months ago Short URL

life lessons/love & hate/

29

Aug

“Washed my sheets when you left but still smell you on my pillow”

Love or love lost can make you do things that you normally wouldn’t or it can make you not do things that you normally would. It basically makes you all fucked up in the head no matter which way you look at it, in good times and in bad.

I don’t tend to love often, but when I do, I love hard. Breaking up doesn’t feel like my heart is in pieces, it feels like I’m being stabbed in heart and in the back simultaneously. Over and over and over again. The only thing that feels like it would help is to change everything and start over. Coincidentally, every time I’ve ever moved apartments, it’s been during or directly after a breakup. I’ve been told it’s really running away from my problems, but to me, it’s the only thing that has ever fixed the problem. I usually needed to move anyway, but got too comfortable and content to take the initiative. Maybe it’s not breaking up that makes me move, but love that makes me stay. 

This time around I need more than a new apartment. I need a whole new city. New job, new everything… but I’ve needed a new start for a while now, it’s nothing new. What’s new is that I finally have what I need to make me do it, a heart with multiple, invisible stab wounds. 

“Been a couple weeks, but it feels like you still there, no matter how I clean, I’m still finding your hair or some shit you forgot, or I’m standing in that spot where you”….

 I’ve been wanting to permanently leave this city for a year or two, always threatening and many times coming close but never actually following through. This last time, I gave Philly and me an expiration date of Fall 2010, and then I fell in love. 

As my official moving date gets closer, the packed boxes in my apartment begin to multiply, and my stab wounds go from a sharp pain to a dull aching, I can’t help but to believe that this is what was supposed to happen. Losing love is not why I’m leaving Philly after 10 years, love is why I stayed so long in the first place. 

 ”I really wanted you to stay but I needed you to leave”…

9 months ago Short URL 3 notes

life lessons/love & hate/illadelph/

18

May

Philadelphia & Me. An abusive love story.

Recently, I’ve been treating Philly like some dead-beat boyfriend. When everyone else is singing the city’s praises, I’m singing Miss. Jackson’s, What have you done for me lately.

We’ve always been in a love/hate relationship. When it’s good, it’s great & when it’s bad, it’s horrible. I’ve threatened to leave a handful of times, never actually following through but coming damn close.

Philly and its crew has done me dirty countless times. PPA has stolen hundreds of dollars from me… PGW has stolen thousands. Septa has stood me up more than once and Comcast likes to play stupid mind games and shut off in the middle of my On Demand movies. The degree of separation in this small-town city is basically 1% and it seems that I can’t go anywhere without running into someone that I don’t want to.  Like any good abusive relationship though, I keep getting sucked back in.  

It’s those times when the weather is perfect and sitting at Penns Landing feels like my personal vacation destination. The mornings that I see the Septa driver from my Temple days that still knows me by name. When my Brooklyn friends complain about money and I feel like the luckiest girl ever spending 1/3 of what they do for rent. Or when out of nowhere, there’s a carnival in the middle of Broad Street.

So I tell myself that maybe we can work things out, it might get better, we can try and go back to the way things were in 2002 when we were in love. So I’ll give it a few more months, and then if it’s really over, I’ll really leave and we can just be friends.

      

City hall & a ferris wheel go together like peanut butter & jelly. 

1 year ago Short URL 1 note

illadelph/love & hate/