We all know that there is some chemical imbalance in the female brain that makes us crave sugar; not only do we seem to have an insatiable hunger for a big ol’ slice of chocolate cake, but we also have a constant longing for a sweet-as-pie man… or at least I do.

It seems to follow the same pattern, I think that my whole world would be better if only I could find that sweetness of a man who is a gentleman and treats me like the cupcake that I am (ha).  So I go on first date after first date searching for the sweetest slice of man.

The last potentially perfect dude asked me out and wanted to make me dinner at his place. Now I am well aware that the “Let me cook for you” first date is often just a ploy to become the “Let’s have sex for dessert” first date. However, I’m not naïve and I was hungry so I graciously accepted the dinner date offer because maybe, just maybe he could turn out to be the sugar that I think I need in my life.

I get to his house and he greets me with a glass of wine, he is wearing an apron and looking adorable. As he finishes the cooking, he explains to me that he is making an authentic Liberia meal. He tells me how he was careful not to make it too spicy because he wasn’t sure what I would like (awww) and that his mom taught him how to cook when he was just a lil’ guy (awww again)! We sit down to eat and he dims the lights and puts on French background music. He is super attentive, says all the right things and makes excellent small talk. After dinner, we go into the other room, he gets his guitar out and starts singing, he’s actually good. He compliments me, invites me to go out with him and his friends the next night and at no point gives me the infamous “tour” of his bedroom. I keep trying to find the sour or salty part of this guy and it doesn’t seem to be there, the only thing I can find is sweetness, pure sugar, and all of a sudden it hits me. I get sugar sick.

The exact feeling that comes after eating too much cake is the same feeling that I got from Mr. Sweet Slice; all of this sugar was just too much. I needed something salty, I needed a piece of lemon, I needed to get out of there.

I told him that I forgot that I had to be somewhere (lack of creative excuses is another symptom of sugar sickness) and left abruptly.

Turns out I like my men to have a bitter side, which is good because too much sugar is never satisfying and just leaves a girl sick.